Trusting God With His Blessings

I think the idea of allowing the Lord to bless me with children, as He wishes, began when I was at a very young age. I was only 17 years old, when given the news that it was not likely I would ever conceive. I had suffered a series of damaging infections, and then a uterine surgery. Of course, such news didn’t really hit me until I was married two years later. Suddenly I was crushed, and heart broken over the idea of never carrying a child within me. All my life I had dreamed of having many children, and now the reality stood right in front of me day after day. I grieved and mourned this loss for two years; and then at that time I finally gave it over to God. I just couldn’t carry such a burden any longer.

I have shared in another post about the glorious Christmas day, when we found out our first child was on the way (just weeks after I had given it over to the Lord)! I was amazed, and on my knees before Lord in thankfulness for such a gift! God not only opened my womb, but He kept it open. Our next five babies were born in a 6 year time span, and we lost twins in that time as well. We were not, however “QF” at this time. God worked in our lives little by little, especially my husband, in okaying and welcoming another little one into our lives. I wrote about when my husband said, “no more children” in another post some time ago. There certainly was a time when my husband said no more! And, to be honest, there came a time when I was so wrapped up in me, I didn’t want to think about having more children either.

Yet, God has a way of changing hearts, and our heart change came with a near death experience. Three and a half years ago I was bitten by a brown recluse spider. The bite went “all wrong” and I ended up getting staphylococcus toxic shock. One night I was singing and rocking my 4 month old baby, the next day I was in the hospital, deathly ill. I did not think I would go home. I even had a peace about dying....somehow I just knew God was going to take care of my family. BUT, God had other plans. I was sent home very sick and weak, but alive. I struggled to see, and walk well on my own. It took a very long time, but God brought healing to my body.

During that time, we found out we were expecting another baby. This baby was a definite “surprise” and I found myself questioning the Lord like I had never done before. I was terrified about going through a pregnancy, while still so sick and weak. It ended up being a very difficult pregnancy, but God saw me through it. The pregnancy ended in a necessary cesarean...one that saved our baby girl’s life. After a lot MORE time of healing, we felt we were finally ready to start thinking “baby” again.

We were met with more heartache, the loss of two more babies, before we were given a baby that we would hold in our arms 20 months after the birth of our baby girl. His birth was the turning point for my husband, especially. We were both so frightened about what would happen in this birth. We saw the Lord come through in so many amazing ways. He didn’t have to, but He proved His mighty power to us.

We came home with our tiny baby boy, and my husband told me that he was ready to surrender to the Lord. So, hand in hand, we started on this journey....a journey that has brought us MUCH joy, and some more heartache.

We have learned, that being QF is more than just accepting the Lord’s will if a baby is coming every year. It is also trusting Him when they are only with us for a little while...or if the months go by and the womb remains empty. We have since lost 4 more babies, and though our hearts ache....we have never felt closer to our Saviour. He has shown us that we can weep, and still have JOY! We can face the world’s ever criticizing eye, because He is there to back us up! We can rejoice, because we know that in the end, it is all about Him and what has furthered HIS kingdom! So, we, together as one, move forward, and we don’t look back.